Author – Anastasia Machan (She/Her) is a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) and Registered Early Childhood Educator. Anastasia specializes in helping parents and neurodivergent children navigate the complex challenges they face. She is currently completing her practicum placement at Cambrian Counselling and Wellness.
I remember the blinking light of the answering machine (it was the nineties, bear with me). My mother would curse as she saw a myriad of missed calls all from the same number. At this point, my family didn’t have to listen to the messages to know what they were about. We knew. It was the school, asking to speak to my mother-again.
My mother would let out a sigh and hit the speed dial button (I still remember it was number 3). The school secretary would answer, and, without a hello, my mother would ask “What’s happening now?”. It was the same every day, every week, every month, over years of elementary and secondary school.
As time went on, the names of the schools changed but the messages didn’t. Why wasn’t my brother in school? Why couldn’t my brother sit still? Why was my brother so smart but unable to follow through with tasks? In the nineties, educators didn’t really understand what it meant to have a neurodivergent child. I wish I could say that things have changed.
As we prepare to support our children, young adults, and adult children, for this back-to-school season, I can’t help but think of my mother and the strength that she found within herself to advocate for my brother. She worked full-time and we weren’t easy kids, but she knew that, if she didn’t fight for us, no one else would.
Today, as a mother of three neurodiverse kiddos, I understand the pain that parents and caregivers can face when it comes to advocating for a child with differing abilities. I understand the constant fight, the negotiations, and the check-ins. It’s exhausting, and it isn’t fair. I know because I have made it my life’s work to stand up for kids like ours, the dreamers, the doers, the wild ones. I know the feeling of an empty cup and empty promises. I understand what they mean by educational trauma, and the frantic search for a space that accepts your child as they are.
As a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) at Cambrian Counselling and Wellness, I am here to hold your hand as we walk through the educational system (and sometimes right through it) together. I will be the empathetic ear that can read between the lines, no explanations or excuses needed. As we all hold our breath in anticipation of the school year to come, let’s let it out together, hand-in-hand. You are not alone. We are here for you.
Find below 6 tips to help your neurodivergent child succeed at school, while maintaining your sanity.
Get to know your child’s teachers. Teachers are valuable sources of knowledge and support concerning your child. Many teachers encourage parent and caregiver participation in student education. Introduce yourself. A short note in an agenda, or a quick email does wonders for opening the door to communication. Ask questions about lessons, ask for feedback regarding your child’s behaviour and development and, remember, don’t apologize! A good teacher understands that they are part of a holistic care team that whose primary goal is to support the child.
Get to know your school. Who are your school principal and vice-principals? What kind of school culture is present at your school? Is your child’s school up-to-date with regards to the topic of neurodivergence, or are they lagging behind? Knowing more about the culture of the school itself is key in understanding the day-to-day experiences that your child may be going through.
Document. Does your child have an individual education plan (IEP)? Make sure that you have a copy. Have you tried getting in touch with your child’s teacher, to know avail? Document it. Keep a record of conversations and meetings so that you are aware of what support is being provided to your neurodiverse child when you aren’t there.
Find your people. Neurodiverse families understand neurodiverse families. Finding and maintaining a support network, whether it be through social media group pages, community centres, or group therapy, can go a long way in helping you feel less alone.
Reframe. Many families of neurodivergent children experience the infamous after-school meltdown. For many children, school days can feel long and can sometimes be stressful. Know that their ability to “take off the mask” and let out their emotions at home is one of the highest compliments – you are their safe space.
Prioritize self-care. In order to best support your child through school, it is important that you care for yourself first. Avoid running on empty. Schedule in time for things like self-reflection, a fun activity, or time with friends. The stronger and happier you are, the healthier your family unit will be.